There are times when it’s incredibly difficult to be thankful. There, I said it. I know, it’s Thanksgiving next week and everyone’s posting “Today I’m thankful for…” on Facebook, and I’m over here going, “Yeah, but how come I feel as if someone just stabbed me in the heart and then ground the blade in a few times for good measure?!?” It’s probably because the holidays bring to mind people and pets that we miss that makes them so painful. It’s hard to feel joyful or thankful when I’m mourning…and grief is neither convenient nor pretty. It just hurts. There’s no predicting the triggers, either. They just sneak up on me and all of a sudden, WHAMMO! I’m smacked upside the head with a brickbat of grief.
Just now (for me) the brickbat is memories of my cat Arthur. He was 16 years old when he died in 2016 of kidney disease. He was less than six weeks old when I adopted him…so tiny that he fit in the palm of my hand…so tiny that he didn’t even know how to nurse, and I had to feed him with an eyedropper because he couldn’t suck on the nipple of a bottle. He survived and grew to be 19 pounds of FLUFF. We figured that he was part Maine Coon because he loved water (not to bathe in though). He had to be in the bathroom if I was taking a bath, or when my husband took a shower, because he liked to drink from either the faucet or the handheld shower. When my daughter would take a shower, she’d soak poor Arthur’s head…and he just kept coming back for more. He adored all of us, but the bond between Arthur and me was tight. I was Mammeh, and he was my Sweet Babboo. When I worked in my office downstairs, Arthur had to be at my side, either sitting on a chair by my desk or taking up the lion’s share of my ironing board when I was sewing. He liked to lay under the Christmas tree every year – he figured that HE was the Gift, after all…and he really was. I guess that I could say what I’m thankful for is having Arthur in my life for sixteen wondrous years…for the times when he was small enough to fit under my chin when he slept, for his generous and loving heart…
So you see, some of us have a hard time being thankful and joyous during the holidays. Cut us some slack, won’t you?
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, hosted by the amazing Kristi Rieger Campbell of Finding Ninee.com and Kendra Johnson of Sporadically Yours: https://sporadicallyyours.com/blog/2018/11/15/thankfulness.